Saturday, August 15, 2009
Hey...it's been awhile. I'm at Brew Urban Cafe located in Victoria Park. It's the brother to the downtown location. Still the same funky feel, still the same good coffee and service. It's the stylized version of the me I wish I was. The hip, cool and trendy version of myself that only exists in my mind. The guys here are gorgeous and they don't know it. Part of their appeal, of course, is their straightness and lack of pretentiousness that I've become so accustomed from the locals in Wilton Manors. Am I sick of being gay? Maybe that's not the way to phrase it. I'm sick of the baggage that comes along with being gay. I just want to be a writer living quietly with John in Key West or somewhere similar. I want to be around beautiful men without the ugliness of sexual desire. I want the output of my efforts to be appreciated by others. I want a beautiful home that amazes me with the views from its windows. I want to walk around and think to myself, "God, I'm so glad to be here." I want to be regularly working on different projects. I want to be in demand. I want to be loved.