Today I lost my temper at work. What is unusual is that I never lose my temper, especially outside the safe confines of my own home or inside my car. Today I lost my temper with a fellow employee and I think I dropped the "F bomb" at least three times. In fact, I believe, "Fuck you, old man!" actually spewed from my mouth. Together with much arm waving and throwing things, it looked like two silverbacks at a standoff in the African bush. The only thing missing was Jane Goodall crouching off to the side making notes and commenting, "It appears OldGrumpy is being challenged for dominance by the other alpha male."
Without going into details, two stubborn people with strong personalities butted heads over the completion of a project that was close to being overdue. I sensed earlier today that OldGrumpy was on a roll as one complaint after another were tossed my way. Normally, I just ignore it and let him rant. But today, after about the third or fourth complaint, without a valid suggestion for a solution either, I snapped. The owner's soon to be son-in-law now in charge had this look of panic in his eyes and I heard him mumble, "Ok, guys, settle down." We both ignored him and went at it for a minute or two and then stormed off into our respective trees to sulk.
Luckily, neither one of us stayed mad very long and soon after, we apologized and came up with a solution together. The thing that lingers with me is that I don't ever lose control and yet today I did. It just reeks of insecure, fragile egos of small-minded people who are unable to see the bigger picture. Is this a one-time anomaly or a harbinger of things to come? Am I going to become that same grumpy old man with a short temper that I confronted today? Or did I simply find out that I'm just an ape like the rest of us? An ape with an eye for color and a flair for the dramatic, but nevertheless, still an ape.
Someone peel me a banana...