Friday, June 19, 2009

Oh, just pile it on...

I called the guy from that newspaper/website and told him I would not be able to submit anything for them because I really wasn't able to handle the deadlines, etc., because my brain is not yet working up to snuff. I wonder if it ever will. It's like I'm looking inside and I see some troubled soul with issues and surprise, surprise, it's me. I'm of course, a little bummed out because I thought this was an opportunity for me to break out of the hole I've dug for myself these last few years. I wonder if I've gotten so used to things a certain way, that anything out of the ordinary throws me for a loop. Once again, I'm surprised by yet another side effect of "the brain thing."
Without sounding all depressed and maudlin, my life lately really sucks. Primarily because my mother called angrily not too long ago and laid some edicts on the proper care and feeding of me. She would like me to get a job, however, quite frankly, that idea just terrifies me. The only thing I could probably do right now would pay barely above minimum wage which would mean that would be the level of my co-workers. Also, I'm sure the bossman will be a real peach. Mother doesn't think about that. All she sees is that I'm lounging at home eating bon-bons and sucking at the teat of my lover. Working in that type of environment (and I have) would drive me insane. Here I am some 47ish guy working with 19 year olds for the same crumbs. Oh yes. Can you say shoot me now?
Actually, my mind wandered a little while I was at the library. I imagined that I ran away and ended up somewhere in the midwest. No one knew where I was and certainly could not reach me. I figured I'd stay at some cheap motel for the time being until I got a job. (I know...ironic huh?)

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