Monday, June 29, 2009

Just Hit Save

This is the second post I've started today. The first one died instantly when I accidentally hit refresh before I saved it. And then jumped around to another screen. And set it on fire....Ok, not that, but...
I was lamenting my lack of a laptop and how I would settle for a netbook, even though I secretly will always covet a MacBook. Oh well...
These days I have little say as to what I'm given. When you are living on someone else's dime, it's hard to make demands for nice, new shiny things. Right now, I'm holding out for a netbook, if not outright, then for my birthday in about 2 long months from now. In the meantime, I still have my MacMini and I guess I can use John's PC if I want to go to JavaBoys.
I'm still a little bummed about the newspaper debacle. I'm going to just chalk it up to experience and perhaps, a slightly fruity noggin'. I do remember calling my mom in the middle of it, crying like a silly baby, and she comforted me enough that I could move on. The thing is: I'm 40-something years old and I should be able to direct my life in the right direction. Not just drifting aimlessly and then panic when the waves get a little rough, but to make the right decisions when I need to. I should just stop, reconsider my options, perhaps get outside opinion and then proceed. There's no disgrace in changing my mind or backing out of something if I feel it's getting too confusing. The worst offense is to blindly move ahead and potentially cause all kinds of heartache.
Sometimes, it feels like I was on this road (life) and it suddenly swerved and I found myself in crazy town where the roads go nowhere and cars with square wheels abound. It's very much like bumper cars and I'm the one that can't move, and getting smacked right and left. Only occasionally, can I see the smooth, open highway that I should be on. I need to get back on that highway. I might have to push my car to get there but I can't give up.

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